White Rose
by LifesAB
Summary: Bella has a flashback on Christmas and tries to cope with the loss of her husband. All human. Rated M for cursing and sex references.


**A/N: A few things you should know: I decided to edit this, my grammar was horrible when I wrote this a few years ago. So this is the new and improved White Rose! **

I never really thought about how life is such a precious thing until it was taken away unexpectedly. I took it for granted, and I learned my lesson to not ever take it for granted again. You never know when the last moment with someone you love is.

I peered into Jake's room. He was still soundly sleeping. God I love my son with everything I have, heart, mind and soul, but he always carries his fathers image with him. Every time I look at my son, the memory of my husband haunts me. He is so much like his father. Sometimes the pain is almost too much.

* * *

"Then don't bother! It's almost Christmas and you're spending the holidays in your damn office Edward," I yelled.

"Bella, I know-" I cut him off.

"You know nothing," I seethed. "Do you know how many times Jacob has asked where his Daddy is!? Does _Tanya_ know you have a son? Or a wife for that matter. Or are you to busy fucking her over your desk? I can't exactly tell Jacob his Daddy is too busy screwing his secretary to come see him."

"Now wait just a minute. I'm not cheating on you! I'm working for you and Jake. You sit on your ass at home and do nothing!"

A sob tore through me. "Fine. Just fine. Since I'm so lazy, I'll take Jacob and spend Christmas with my Dad."

"No. I'll be home in 15 minutes," he growled.

"Don't come home on your lazy ass wife's account. Go fuck Tanya and go fuck yourself!" I slammed down the phone.

Tears poured down my face and despite being angry, I waited.

15 minutes passed by and I was getting anxious knowing it'd be ugly when he got home.

30 minutes passed and I was trying to think an excuse to tell Jacob about why his father wasn't coming home, again.

2 hours passed and I was seeing red. I grabbed my duffel bag and was throwing random clothes and things in. I heard the door bell ring.

Muttering under my breath, I stalked to the door.

"Hello Mrs. Cullen, I'm officer Whitlock. May I come in?"

* * *

A creak through the house startled me out of my memory. I walked to my room and just stood there. Everything was him, he was everywhere. A dirty shirt of his just a few days old lay on the floor on his side of the bed. Before I registered what I was doing I picked it up and brought it to my face, inhaling his scent. Tears clouded my vision and I collapsed onto the bed. Sobs tore through my chest as I clutched his shirt closer. I didn't understand. Was God punishing me? I didn't deserve this. Even more, Jacob didn't deserve this. So many questions would never be answered. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to get through the onslaught of the pain.

"Momma! Momma. Momma wake up."

My eyes snapped open. My little boy stood in the doorway, obviously upset.

"What's wrong baby?"

"I had a nightmare." His soft voice said.

"C'mere baby." I reached my arms out towards him. He runs into my arms, softly crying.

"I miss Daddy." He mumbles into my chest. My throat constricts with more sobs.

"I know baby," I run my hands through his hair, "I do too."

I rock his small body, soothing him until he quiets. I hear his breaths even out and eventually a small snore.

Slowly, I lay his body down and lie next to him. Closing my eyes, I let my sons breaths lull me to sleep.

What seems like way too soon, I hear my alarm go off. Quick as I can I shut it off and rub the sleep from my eyes. I feel the sheets rustle and look over my shoulder to see green eyes staring back. His green eyes.

"Merry Christmas Momma." He says softly.

"Merry Christmas baby."

Yawning I get up and walk in my zombie state to the kitchen for coffee. I see Jakes back disappear into the living room, so I grab my mug and follow him. I find him sitting in front of the Christmas tree.

Plopping ungracefully onto the couch, I ask, "You gonna open your presents baby?" Instead of getting one of his own, he grabs one of mine and comes to curl into my side. Closing my eyes, I lay my cheek on his head and sighed. Jake inhales and curls deeper into me.

"Are you gonna open it," he asked quietly.

I sighed and looked at the tiny box. I smiled slightly, tears burning my eyes.

**_To_: **_Bella_

**_From_: **_Edward and Jacob_

Setting down the box between my legs, I looked at Jake. He was staring at me expectantly.

"What do you think it is Momma?" he asked.

"I'm not sure baby." I said, trying not to cry.

"Just open it."

Silently nodding I pick up the box, trying not to shake. Tearing the wrapping paper then lifting the box top off, I gasp. It's a beautiful white rose sitting on a dainty silver band. Engraved inside it says "So the Lion falls in love with the Lamb."

"Do you like it Momma?"

"Of course I do. I love it. It's from you and your daddy." I quietly assure him.

"Why isn't Daddy here?" he asked.

I paused trying to think of what to tell my 5 old year son.

"He is here babe. You just can't see him. He's always with you. Here." I touch his chest where his heart is.

He nodded.

"He's in heaven isn't he?" he asked.

"Yes. Yes he's in heaven."

"Can he hear me?"

"I'm sure he can."

He looked up.

"Merry Christmas Daddy. I hope you get presents in heaven."

* * *

**A/N: It's sad I know. I get some of Bella's emotions from personnel experience. **

**Read. Review. Please review. I need to know what to fix. Thanks-**

**LB**


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